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Emotional support system for entrepreneurs

March 18th, 2010 Posted in My Blog

There is a question raised in FoundersMix by Dan Blank:

I’ve chatted with folks who have started their own business, and many of them talk about sleepless nights, the need for encouragement, emotional support, ways to deal with pressure and uncertainty. How do you deal with these things?

This is something very important to me, so I wrote a long response and thought it’s perfect for me to re-post it here as well (with minor updates) – to start my blog here.  So here is my response:

I think the emotional support system is so critical. You work on something you are passionate about, it is hard to not get emotional. Some needs it more than others, but we are all human.

Few things that are working for me:

1. “Support group”:

I have a good friend who is building his own business. We do a phone call every week, at a specific time for 1 hour. We provide each other support, feedbacks and hold each other accountable for what we said we would do the previous week. I found this very valuable (and I think it can only work) because:

  • this is someone I trust & respect;
  • someone who know me enough to know my strength and weakness;
  • someone who is willing to provide constructive criticisms if I fall off the track;
  • someone who is looking into my business with an outsider view; and
  • someone who is also building a business at a similar phase as me, so can understand the same challenges that I’m facing.

I also try to provide him with the same. Few other friends occasionally called in with us, but they don’t end up sticking around for long. The consistency of the weekly call is important.  (Keith Ferrazzi talked about this in his Mixergy interview – I just happened to do this weekly call for sometimes now.)

2. Helping others:

I teach and coach entrepreneurs at various places (UCLA, local city…) and I found that I learned a lot and get supported through helping others. When my students sign million dollars deals or achieve their goal no matter how small it may seem, it is a great booster because I know another fellow entrepreneur, and of anyone, my student, is crushing it. When I need someone to bounce ideas, I also go back to my students to bounce ideas with.

3. Reaching out:

I love the interactions with other Mixergy friends. We started to be like old friends now, and I started to bounce my ideas with them.  For example, I have a very tough day one day, pushing against a wall of “NO”, and Mosses sent me a hilarious email about Mixergy. It made me burst out laughing and that really helps.

I am geographically challenged, but otherwise, making friends with other entrepreneurs through networking events do the same for me.

I seek out to people that I respect to be my formal and informal mentors.  When I am beaten down by something, I reach out to one of my mentors, and their response usually give me the insight and strength to get back to the rink.

4. “Testimonials” & Goals:

This is something I have been thinking about but I haven’t done yet. I think it will be helpful if I started to put together in one place my achievements, the nice comments, praises about me from people that I respect. Like a personal scoreboard to look at when I feel in doubt.

Michael commented to my list that another useful thing is to have a list of goals posted somewhere visible everyday.  This is so true.  This is a good reminder of what you want to achieve in the long run.  The difficulties you face daily should pale in comparison.

5. “Quotes”:

One of my whiteboards in my home office is filled with yellow sticky notes of quotes that I took from Mixergy interviews and other readings. I see them everyday, and read random ones sometimes. For example few I can see right now “A deep desire to shape the world around you” – from Keith Smith interview; “Everything is negotiable” – from Andy Liu interview,… They motivate me.

6. Reading & listening to music: this is self explanatory.

7. Reflection:

I love to swim. It sets me free. When I face a difficult problem, I go for a long swim, and the solution almost always comes.

What about you? What do you have in your emotional support system?

  • Loved the article!

    About the support group, I am fortunate that my business partner with whom I am doing a startup is completely trustworthy, and as a result, is supportive and gives great feedback. I can't help but remember loud and clear the admonishment I got during the Business Plan Development course (at UCLA Anderson): if you can't totally trust someone, don't even think of going in business with them.
  • Kevin, thank you! It's good to see you here :).

    You are absolutely right, trust is huge. When you have a partner, it is like a marriage. It is great to hear you're working on a startup. I'd love to hear more about it. You have my email address.
  • This is one of the reasons we started Bootstrappers Breakfast a few years ago (see http://www.bootstrapperbreakfa... ) to give bootstrappers a place to compare notes on their respective businesses. I also blogged about the entrepreneur's emotional roller coaster at http://www.skmurphy.com/blog/2... and suggested:

    "One technique you can use to maintain perspective is the “Morning Pages” approach concept from “The Artist’s Way at Work” Write three pages in longhand first thing in the morning every day. It can be stream of consciousness, a journal, a story, or even “I don’t know what to write” over and over. There are a number of good techniques in the book, but this is the best one to start with. If, like me, your handwriting skills have deteriorated to the point that writing out more than a 3×5 card is both painful and illegible you can use a typewriter or a computer, but do it in a way that it stands out from your regular work location. Write in a coffee shop or at the breakfast table or a place you can associate with this activity distinct from work. You can also do it in the afternoon or late in the day if that’s a “dead spot” but you have to do it in a way that it represents a clear break from work."
  • The breakfast meetups sound like a great idea, Sean. We all can benefit from the support of other fellow entrepreneurs.

    I agree, writing can be so comforting, especially hand writing.
  • "We do a phone call every week, at a specific time for 1 hour. We provide each other support, feedbacks and hold each other accountable for what we said we would do the previous week. I found this very valuable (and I think it can only work) because:"

    Giang, that is so simple but so great! I can see that working for me too. It would definately keep me accountable for progress and give me fresh ideas and the motivation i need to 'stick at it'.
  • Absolutely, Michael, it has been so helpful for me.

    A funny thing is both of us used to think that it is something temporary until each of us find our co-founders. Now we both realize that even if we find our co-founders, it is still valuable to have a trusted outsider perspective.
  • Definately - hold on to relationships like that! Finding a co-founder doesn't change a thing since your co-founder shares your vision, so you are both effectively a single entity. Perspective is still required :)
  • That (single entity) is an interesting take on it, Michael, and is so true. Thanks. Yes, I really value his friendship and support.
  • Great post!
    My girlfriend is helping me a lot! Cycling clears my head and makes me generate ideas.
    Cheers!
  • Constantin, wow, you remind me the most important part of our support system: family and friends. Thank you.

    Cycling is awesome. I think any outdoor activity is great, especially for people that spend a lot of time on the computer.
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